4 Important Conversations to Have With Your Child

You may have heard it before and it is still true. As kids age, they come into contact with other influences: friends, teachers, other adults, and the media. As a parent, give them the truth about certain important issues before they learn a different explanation from another source.

Talking to Your Kids About Safety

Your child can’t be with you 24/7. They have to know how to take care of themselves and be secure in that knowledge when they are not with you. Lead by example. You teach them how to brush their teeth and put on their clothing. Now, help them protect themselves.

Start with the home. Even a young child needs to know their home address, telephone number and the proper names of both of their parents. This can be of great use if they are ever lost in a department store or hurt.

How about safety around the house? Kids need to learn to stay out of danger in the kitchen, bathroom, around household cleaners and even answering the telephone or the front door. These skills can protect them when they are home alone (at an older age) and as adults.

Safety on the street is more than crossing the street. All parents teach their kids how to wait for the light and watch out for cars. In today’s society, it entails being street smart. Today’s youth have to watch out for themselves against strangers, drugs, gangs and other influences that could harm them. Informing them of these dangers doesn’t take away their innocence. On the contrary, it keeps it intact so others can’t steal it.

Safety is an ongoing issue between parent and child. Don’t miss a moment that can be used as a teaching opportunity.

Open Up the Conversation About Health

Obesity is an epidemic in society these days. Kids are the fastest growing population affected. This is a conversation that can happen over the dinner table. Teach kids how to eat a healthy variety of foods by introducing them to natural fruits and vegetables at every turn. Even if you don’t eat a certain food, allow your kids to sample it for themselves.

But, health also entails caring for their bodies. Looking good can lead to feeling good. Teach them about proper hygiene, care of their bodies during puberty and respecting their attributes and who they are.

Respect for themselves can lead to conversations about peer pressure and bullying. Discuss the different types of bullying and how it can affect them. Peer pressure can be easy to ignore if it comes from a stranger but when it’s a close friend, kids may not know how to handle it.

Chatting with Your Child About Morality  

Right and wrong are fundamental teachings for children. You can’t account for every situation but you can impart to them the basics. There are gray areas to be sure, but those don’t usually come into play until kids are older and have added new dynamics to their life.

Even so, kids have questions after watching television programs. Approach each situation on a case-by-case basis. Reiterate the importance of limits and boundaries which is not to make their lives miserable but to give them a firm foundation in life.

Gaining Your Child's Trust... Let's Talk About Sex  

It’s the conversation that most parents dread having. When do you start? How much do you say?

Begin with their bodies. Teach them the proper name for body parts, what each part is for and how they may differ from a child of the opposite sex. You will know, as a parent, when the right time is to expound further on this subject.

Kids are not shy when they have questions about things, so deal with them as they come. Use the simplest explanation that you can to convey the information. This builds a foundation that will make the conversation about actual sexual relationships between boys and girls a bit easier for them (and you) to handle when the time comes for that.

In the meantime, lead by example. The relationship between parents is the first loving relationship that kids will see - how you talk to each other, your body language and even how you show affection around your kids and others. They all paint a picture for your child.

Be as frank as you can with your kids without being crude. Moderating their television and computer time can avoid inappropriate questions or situations before your child is old enough to handle the answers.

COMMUNICATING EVEN WHEN IT’S HARD

It won’t always be easy to talk with your kids. But, it will always be worth it. There may come a time when kids can make it tough for you to have a conversation with them: peer pressure, friends, testing their limits, saying no to something they want. As parents, we can also put the pressure on: avoiding certain subject matter, outright disapproval of friends, silent treatment, interjecting our opinions and sugar-coating everything that happens to our child.

But, it is never too late to try and regain communication with your child. Eat humble pie if you have to from time to time. Your child needs you.

Helpful Tips for Talking to Your Child

Here are several ways that you can keep the lines of communication open with your child even when they try to shut you out.

Catch their talkative moments – Kids, especially young ones, may find it easier to speak when they are more secure – after a bath, getting tucked into bed or at dinner. Even if you have something else you want to do, take the time to listen to your child when they are ready to talk. For teens, it may work best when you are driving, so they don’t have to make eye contact during difficult conversations.

Avoid pressure to talk – It may fit your schedule to get straight to the point but not your child’s. We all need time to process a situation before we can discuss it. Give your child that same respect and consideration. The exceptions, of course, would be if it is a dangerous situation.

Talk TO them, not AT them – It is not a conversation when only one person is allowed to speak. Talking at someone implies that you are not interested in what they have to say, only in getting your opinion out. Talking to them means that you want to hear what they have to say in response and you are willing to listen. Their opinion matters. If you rush to speak before your child finishes, this advice may be something to think about.

Avoid saying hurtful things – Tough love doesn’t always work in certain situations. For example, if you are concerned about your adolescent son’s weight, telling him that he is fat or patting his stomach all the time is not going to inspire him. In fact, it will embarrass and even lower his self-esteem, feeling that his parents don’t love him the way he is. You may have the best of intentions but the results will often prove to be less than satisfactory. Use a healthier means of showing love and support.

Be casual in your attitude – This comes with talking to your child on a regular basis. If you feel uptight, your child will notice it and think that you don’t want to talk or don’t want to really know what they have to tell you. Even with the difficult subject matter, put yourself and your child at ease from the beginning.

Listen to your child first – Before you say anything, let them finish what they have to say in its entirety. Avoid the urge to speak up. Hold all comments until it is your turn to speak. They may need your help to flesh out their emotions but try to avoid putting words in their mouth.

Avoid hypocrisy – This is the “do as I say, not as I do” kind of behavior. Kids are not stupid. If you tell them that gossiping is wrong but you are always on the phone discussing other people, it sets a less than positive example to your kids. It can confuse younger children and make teenagers less trusting of you.